War 2 (2025) – Huh???

Genre – Spy action

Time: 2 hours 55 minutes

Platform: Netflix

Plot:   Colonel Luthra, now the head of R&AW is tasked with catching his prize agent Kabir, who has become a mercenary, operating only for a price. A shadowy cartel, Kali, forces Kabir to kill Luthra. Luthra’s daughter Kavya, wants in on the hunt. R&AW also sends its best agent Major Vikram to track and bring in Kabir. The world witnesses their war…

My wife saw War 2 on Netflix over three days. Sensible on her part. When I asked her why she is seeing it like this, she did not say anything. I probed further and said “so interesting? You are deeply analyzing the plot?” She laughed and said “taking breaks to reboot my mental balance”.  This is a clear example of why husbands must listen to their wives as they have better sense and insights into how to watch a film like War 2. It took me three days to recover and type something that can be considered cogent.  I am not sure whether I will make any sense as my brains are still recovering. Anyway, here goes

This is the kind of movie that should come with a Kishore Kumar like statutory warning where he said “I have made a weird bhelpuri of a film. If you like this bhel puri, then I have made it. And if you get indigestion after eating this bhel puri, then it’s your problem”.  Check out the first 45 seconds of this film Badhthi ka naam Daadhi.

So, let us come to what passes for a plot. Plot? We know that. Hritik Roshan and Junior NTR are basically trying to kill each other through  explosions larger than all the kilotonnage between the US and Russia. Otherwise why a title War 2 ? Why not Dosti 2 ?

But hang on. From what I could understand , the logic behind each  trying to kill the other is something like this – between gigantic semi nuclear explosions.

Hritik has gone rogue but he is actually ACTUALLY, secretly working for R&AW. His opponent Junior NTR is working for R&AW. But he is actually ACTUALLY rogue and working secretly for Hrithik’s opponents. Oh. Clever . But hang on. Who is working for whom and who is double crossing whom? What – it’s a triple cross?

 Hritik is R&AW but rogue but actually working for R&AW? Oh – this is so mind bending for poor folks like me. So too Junior NTR – why not a mini NTR, (like Mini-Me)  – is also a triple cross. Yikes. Who will win? That’s the nail biting suspense for 2 hours and 45 minutes. But surely there is story and a script for that double  – er – triple – er whatever cross?  Yes. It probably was something like this.

Take a world map. Blindfold yourself. Throw a dart or some sticky material like chewing gum on the map. See where it lands. Jot down the place’s name. Go back, blindfold yourself, repeat the process all over again. Every place on the map thus becomes a setting for an “action” and the story.  What? it has landed on a blue area? what do you mean? Is that a sea or the sky? Never mind. We will base mind boggling action scenes in both.

But what’s the logic? THAT is easy. If Tom Cruise can survive a plunge into the Arctic Ocean from a hovering V22 Osprey and not die but actually emerge better, hale and hearty, more handsome, more vigorous, more charged up, then what can be wrong in Hritik Roshan and Junior NTR doing similar stuff in cities, land, seas, air and places you and I have not heard of? (Remember the chewing gum on the map?) Absolutely nothing wrong. Full marks for original ideas that  are bigger, better, bolder than Cruise and the Mission Impossible series such as:

• Hritik can battle a hundred Japanese samurai swordsmen. (What? Kill Bill 1? No. Kill Japanese Mob Boss No.1). A few hundred sword swipes and kills later, the mob boss dies but not by sword but in a helicopter “accident” initiated by Hritik. The Mob Boss’s pet wolf has defected to Hritik’s side and howls in delight. As they say, it is a “SYMBOLIC SHOT”. Both are lone wolves, who must hunt alone. See? What masterpiece of writing, no?
• A Drone carrying not some missile payload but Jr. NTR (again – why not mini NTR) drops him with all limbs intact onto a pirate ship where he proceeds to battle the entire crew of pirates and rescue some Indian cadets captured by the pirates. But what original ideas he has – use the ball of a wrecker as a mine detector. Wonder how that drone took Junior’s weight given his weighty midriff. But hang on. How original no? Someone jumping from a UAV in the middle of the Red Sea and blowing up a ship? Arrey Bhai – Bhavna ko samjho. Look at the thought. Service and sacrifice – yes sacrifice your brains to service the script.
• Junior and Hritik chase each other in the streets of a Spanish city whose name I forgot. I am sure no one has ever done ANYTHING like this in any foreign movie. Car chase? YAAAWWN. Anyone can do that. Cars going in reverse down the town square and then down steps? Meh! Car jumping the road and landing on a high-speed train without touching the overhead pantograph. Now you are COOKING and SMOKIN’ MAN. SMOKIN’. Hritik’s car is stuck on the train’s engine while Junior’s Hummer is on last coach of the train. Junior runs from last to first coach while the train is doing a few hundred+ kmph. Oi – where are the overhead pantographs? Pah! Do not ask such idiotic questions. See how INNOVATIVE BOLLYWOOD IS when it comes to ORIGINAL IDEAS (that Tom Cruise only landed a Helicopter into the Chunnel in MI 1 – he didn’t land two cars on the same train).
• To save the family of an Indian minister, who is flying from Singapore by an executive jet, Hritik hovers above him in a B2 bomber from whose cargo bay four suspended cables have hooked the jet. Then Junior and Hritik proceed to fight each other and the goons who are jumping up and down the tethered cables. Hang on. Doesn’t the B2 fly something like 35,000 feet above sea level? Isn’t oxygen required to operate at such high levels? Uh – Oh. Please don’t ask such shitty questions. If Tom Cruise can outrun a nuclear explosion, a Sandstrom and just about anything, why isn’t this mission possible for two super duper action stars? Stop asking such questions and admire the great writing and the bleeding edge effects.
• Then there is …. Oh –  My memory is wiped out. I can’t remember anything after this. My memory … my memory .. my ….Explosions. Explosions.  HELP. HELP. I am suffering from Amnesia and PTSD.

Script – Huh ?

Story – Huh ?

Direction – Huh ?

Final rating _ Huh ?